Saturday, October 19, 2019

VSS round up the third


Elf said he loved chess. An elegant way to represent armies and battles and strategy.
Dragon said she was too impatient to play. There were no assassins, magic, or flying units.

"You're bi. Why aren't you coming to the parade?"

"I'm all for Pride. Y'all have fun. But it's not for me."

"How ISN'T it for you?"

"I'm more than just my sexuality, and I don't need to march to feel good about myself. But don't let my opinion stop you."

"I named him Chartreuse, and everything he'll ever wear will be green." She held the child up for everyone to see.
Restraint snapped, and I couldn't be polite anymore. "He's your son, not a fricking accessory!"

"I don't really like modern underdog stories."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Used to be, an underdog had to work harder, be better, really improve themselves to best their opponent. And now, they're just supposed to win because they're not as good."

"You think too much."

The spiritualist stepped back into the living room, holding a small crystal. "You're house is cleansed."
"What will you do with the ghosts?"
"They'll come to my farm. I'll try to place them with a new family, but they'll have a forever home with me if need be."

"Not calling myself a lesbian anymore."

"Why not?"

"Negative connotations. The porn girls, the man-hating dykes, the college experimenters. I just don't want to be part of that anymore."

"So what will you call yourself then?"

"Connoisseur of muff."

"Gag."

"We are happy to present this award to our very own Bethany. Her grassroots work has made her a trailblazer of at home environmentalism. Tell us a little about your work."
"I...I just revived old beliefs. It's our duty to take care of those we displace."

Friends help you move, right?"

"Yeah."

"And REAL friends help you move bodies?"

"So the joke goes."

"Do you think family helps you eat them?"

"No more smoking for you tonight."

An old sign hung on the side of the building: Wear necklaces of garlic to keep the vampire's away.
Beneath it, someone scrawled a second line: But werewolves call it human pizza.

"I love doing edits," she crowed. "All the trimming and polishing and making perfect." Her fingers flew across the keyboard.

He glared at his manuscript, then at her. "Your picture is in the dictionary next to masochist."

"Don't you want to do something creative? Have an adventure?"
"Not really."
"But-"
"Listen, I'm very happy with my routine. It's safe, comforting, and I know exactly what to expect. Ain't no one ever got eaten by a shark sitting on their couch."

I perk up off my couch, listening to their howling. Not neighborhood dogs. Not even wolves. Something else, more ancient. More deadly.

"About F'ing time they got here." I draw my sword from beneath the cushions.

Some days are more difficult than others. The urge to simply scream with all the pain that is in her heart grows stronger by the minute.
But her voice would destroy all around her, so she must keep it contained.

"Did you hear? Someone's been teaching the mortals the afterlife isn't real."

"Wow. That's kinda cruel."

"I KNOW, right? Are they gonna meet them after death and tell them it was all a joke?"

"When prank channels of the gods go wrong."

"Ugh. It's silver plate."
"Is that really that big a deal?"
"Uh, yeah."
"Enlighten me."
"I'm a sorceress. I need large amounts of silver to do my work. Imagine trying to make cookies with only a pat of butter."
"Oh. That does suck. Let's keep looking."

Margot smirks, staring at the temple. They'd tried to teach her to control her anger, to live without emotion.

Sparks dance at her fingertips. Control also means to harness. The anger is now her weapon.

"Get away from her, you bitch!"
"What in all the hells are you doing in there?"
"Um...keeping the flies off my deviled eggs."
"I think that's what plastic wrap is for."
"This is more fun. Get some! Get some!"

Goldilocks ran straight from the home of the Three Bears and to the Woodsman's shack. "Hey, Mister," she said, twirling a strand of hair around one tiny finger. "Remember what you did to that wolf for Red? I think I got another job for you."

"She's a flibbertigibbet."
"Not a termagant?"
"No. She's more loquacious and full of malarkey."
"I guess I'm just an ignoramus, because I am flabbergasted by these descriptions."
"At least you're not being cantankerous. THAT would cause a real ballyhoo."

He sits on the corner, clothes dingy and torn, scruffy stray dog at his side. Sign reads "Homeless Vet please help".

In the church of the street, people pass by the coffee cup collection plate, not thinking to give.

"To bend is not the same as to buckle."
"But you always say death before dishonor."
"I do. But do you know one of the most vulnerable times for the enemy?"
"I guess not."
"When he thinks he has you on your knees."

"Wait, you're a pagan who doesn't worship any gods."

"Never called myself pagan. That's you're label. Yes, I believe in multiple gods. No, I don't worship them."

"Why not?"

"Worship is for the weak-willed. I honor those above me, but I bow to none."


"That's an...uh, interesting pet."
"I KNOW, right?"
"What is it?"
"A chimera. I named him Mischief."
"But, I mean, what IS it?"
"That's the mystery."

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