Content Warning

Greetings and Salutations.
Because my stories have bite, they can contain content that isn't suitable for work or children. Not a lot of truly graphic sex or violence, but there are some questionable or heated posts. F-bombs are not uncommon, so watch your footing.

Wednesday, January 29, 2020

Movie Review - Black Water

Amazon Prime has become my go-to for random movie selection. I watched this one without looking at the IMDB rating (which it links in the description for the viewer's ease), because I already knew what to expect. Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren? Yeah, this will be a real winner.

It is exactly the kind of movie that feels written on a cocktail napkin during happy hour and was filmed over the weekend. It's technically competent, in that it's well-lit, scenes are framed, and no one flubs their lines.

But there is nothing exciting. Action scenes are choppy, with only the occasional uncut flurry of attacks from Van Damme, and basic at best.

The only thing unique to this movie is that it's a CIA black site run on a submarine. Thus, no one can find it, because it's always on the move and in international waters. Nevermind food and fuel and all the other operational needs of a sub and crew; it sounds cool and needs to be a movie!

Besides that, it's as generic as can be. Oh look, that person is the bad guy. Oh no, that one is double-crossing everyone else. Wait, third act has started, so here comes the Big Reveal....and saw that coming. Everything about this movie could be swapped out with any other movie of the genre and budget level and you'd probably never notice.

It might be okay to watch in the background, or just to have something to do while chitchatting and hanging out with a friend, but it's nothing worth actually engaging in.